Lessons from a Former Miss Congeniality

When I was in 8th grade, my teachers voted me the most congenial girl in the class. I was the unexpected choice from my more likable, outgoing classmates. I could sense the surprise when my name was called for the award. After all, my efforts outside of my world were minimal at best. Sticking closely to a small group of friends was what I preferred. Regardless of whether that title was deserved or not, I have now spent years trying to understand how to be just that. Congenial. Pleasant or agreeable because of a personality similar to one's own. I think of Christ who was able to engage such disparate groups of people - from the poor to the marginalized to those high ranking or religious. Here's what I've learned in attempting to connect with others:

1. Address people by name. It's a small gesture, but inserting a person's name is huge when it comes to acknowledging another person. It reminds me that this person has worth and value. I've learned that people also love to hear their name, even the most inconspicuous.

2. Speak with others what you know is on their hearts. Engage people where they're at. Be interested in what they're interested in. When you don't know a lot about whatever that is, ask questions. People get extra chatty about things that are near and dear to their heart.

3. Listen more than talk. It may be harder for some of us, but be mindful of  dominating a conversation. I have walked away from conversations where I realize in hindsight that I was completely self-centered. If we listen more, we make a statement that we mutually respect and care for the other person, so it's not all about us. It's not rocket science, but listening is more nuanced than we realize, and the implications of doing it well strengthens our relationships.

I probably won't ever receive another award for congeniality, but there is still greater motivation for me than ever (1 John 4:19), even without the title.