Revisiting the Once Familiar

When I return to something I haven't done in awhile I feel this sense of condemnation for having neglected it for so long. The newness of it again reminds me that time passed now reveals an unfamiliarity that is altogether uncomfortable. I don't like that I can't just pick up where I left off. Instead I have to really work to get back to where I once was. The prospect of this keeps me from really wanting to revisit anything ever again. This is true in so many things I want to go back to, but this year I decided to just deal with it and after more than a decade, I am lacing up my skates and getting back on the ice again. (Now rereading the above, the lead in to this disclosure seems way too dramatic for whatever skills I formerly possessed). My first time back on the ice exposed that predictable insecurity that comes with having not done something in a really long time. I hated that feeling, but yet I went back the second week and laced up again.

I'm learning to embrace the wobbliness and be okay with it. That's a win for the perfectionist in me.