Ugh.  It was harder to go back to work than I thought. 

After being gone for almost 3 months, it was difficult to pick up where I left off.  I always feel awkward around my coworkers--small talk is not my forte, especially when topics of conversation stray beyond my expertise.

My biggest challenge is how to remain authentic to who I am in a culture that is not my own.  Not only do I lack Christian coworkers, I'm the only Chinese American amongst the 30 odd people in my surrounding departments (hey, for a person who grew up in the city, this is huge). 

This all came to a head today when I received an email from a job applicant regarding my position.  This person had seen my bio on the school's website and noticed that I was a Christian, and wanted to find out my perspective on work at the Academy.  I started to write the person back when my supervisor walked into my office.  His eyes glanced over the email I was writing, and I immediately felt panicky inside, since I had started to write about matters of faith.

At that moment, I felt embarrassed.  And now I feel embarrassed for feeling embarrassed.  I've been reading "Safely Home," a novel by Randy Alcorn about the persecuted church in China.  The resulting contrast between the Christians in China (who take bold stands for their faith) and myself (the wimp) couldn't have been starker.  As I pondered this discrepancy, I knew that I have a long ways to go in my faith.

I need more of the Apostle Paul's boldness:

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes."  Romans 1:16