Deprivation > Restoration

Ever play the game "Deprived Child?"  An attempt to get to know a person by unearthing things by which we were deprived of as a child?  I for one always go for the "I never had a TV until 6th grade" line which is usually met with a lot of quizzical looks.  So yes, I am a bit clueless about things like, the Smurfs and other Saturday morning cartoons.

It wasn't that my parents thought TV was evil, it's just that they saw other means by which we could spend our time.  I became an avid reader and because forced to develop our own playtime, my sister and I both have a heightened sense of creativity.  I am endlessly thankful for this (though, we begged for a TV all the time).

Last night I felt terrible as I had to say "no" to my high school small group's request to go to either 7-11 or Starbucks to get a drink.  Yesterday we began the 30 Hour Famine, in which we fast from food for 30 hours to raise money for world hunger.  I explained that I wasn't trying to be legalistic about the whole fasting thing--because drinks are allowed--it's that I really wanted them to focus on what it means to have an absolute dependence on God.  And indulging in 7-11 or Starbucks would have been a detractor.

I know how hard it is to fast.  I mean even myself yesterday picked up a piece of chocolate from my coworker's desk without thinking and then dropped it like a hot potato, realizing that I wasn't supposed to eat (I've been known to carelessly stuff things in my mouth without thinking during fasts).

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Ps. 73:26

Lately it's been really hard for me to get up and face each day.  And I start digging for answers--not enough exercise or sleep? depression? spiritual warfare? lack of discipline?

I don't mean to be melodramatic, but I must say that the daily battle to enter His presence is not easily won.  Because truly, the dailyness of life eats at me, and pressing on involves harnessing my whole mind, body, spirit, and will.  It ain't easy.

There's an impulse in me to mask all yuckiness with anything to dull the senses.  And subtly, Christ, the object of my desire, is displaced.  Restoration, however, is a beautiful thing: 

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." 1 Pet. 5:10

Took a little break from routine and went down to Monterey today.  It was absolutely refreshing to get away--to drink deep of my Savior's presence.  So, so needed.