Out of It.

Few people from home ask the appropriate questions that relate to what's going on in my heart as I'm here.  This is not to lay guilt on anyone--rather to say that there is much I cannot articulate.  I'm finding that I operate in somewhat of a third dimension...neither home home nor finding that my new life here is quite home yet (if that makes any sense).

Since I've been away, there has been birth, death, marriage, divorce, and break-up.  There have been changes in you which I'm not even aware, and yet some haven't changed at all.  My heart longs to be home, though I'm not even sure what coming home would even look like.  The longer that I'm here, the further I am from the realities of home (is it vain to think that life should revolve around me?).  I was led to the extreme the other day when I had to google to see if someone I knew had gotten married.  I'm out of it, I know.

I guess the definitive label for this would be homesickness, though I know that when home I might just wish I was here again.  Yesterday my local friend remarked to me in Ch, "you never imagined a life like this when you were in the States, huh?"  Nope, this wasn't what I imagined.  I'm actually not sure what I imagined anymore.  It's certainly been more than I've bargained for.

No, this isn't a pity party.  Just to say, I couldn't be here unless I knew that Home is neither here nor there.  [And to those who are where I call 'home,' you have been more than gracious.  Thank you for journeying with me.]