How I Spent My Afternoon.

  

I've said before that everyone should seek their own means of creativity.  One that is apart from the ordinary--an outlet (or refuge if that suits you better) from the stresses of everyday life.  For me, I've never settled on just one. Perhaps that's because I'm not that particularly good at one thing, so I kind of piece together a hodgepodge of activities to satisfy my creative energies.

Okay, before I get too lofty here, the subject today is balloon twisting, or more properly, balloon sculpting as I've been corrected.  I managed to twist myself a few successful entries in preparation for an event that my school is putting on tomorrow.  See above.

Did you know that you can actually get certified in this stuff?

A few Google searches later and I'm now available for hire for your child's next birthday party.

A Talking Dummy.

I got teary eyed the other day watching a ventriloquist DVD of all things.  I first scoffed at the idea of watching a ventriloquist perform--I mean, how much interest can there be over a guy not moving his lips?  Well, this ventriloquist happened to be one with a Message attached to his theatrics, packaged in a show not only meant to entertain, but to communicate, if you know what I mean.

All this to say that Truth, however it's declared, is powerful.  Perhaps it's the absence of Truth here that makes me appreciate whatever form it's transmitted.  I think I just might break down the next time I'm in some Corporate Celebration at home. 

Jiu de bu qu, xin de bu lai...

I've had this phrase recited to me practically every time I mention to a local person that I lost my bike. In English we say 'out with the old, in with the new.'  But here it has the effect of if the old does not go, the new cannot come.

Less than 24 hours after losing him I was the owner of a new bike, whom I have named 'Hui Hui,' or Ash in more understandable nomenclature.  He's gray in color, hence the name 'hui' for 'hui se' in Ch. and 'ash' in English.  I like to think of him as beauty from ashes, though I was initially reluctant in my acceptance of him.  He just didn't ride the same as Shao Lan and, well, he just wasn't Shao Lan.

I've thought more about this idea of the old leaving before the new can come.  I've thought about it particularly in relationship to all that has been a part of my recent reality.  And more than just recent--something that dawned on me today.  Oh how I need to die living for the prse of man!  I realize part of my struggle with teaching these 1st and 2nd graders is that I'm practically obsessed, or fixated by trying to be good at this so as to prove myself yet competent in the eyes of others. 

It ain't the prettiest of things when this happens and so you need a day like today to burst that bubble.  The principal of the elementary school came up to me after my first class and asked if he and two other administrators could come observe my next class, which started in 15 minutes (guess that 'future' he referred to the other day was really the near future).  'You'll welcome us?' he asked.  What choice did I have?  'Oh you're welcome,' I said hastily.  It's already a dreadful thing for a teacher to be observed, much less with fifteen minutes notice and being the newbie that I am.

So being stripped of everything in regards to proper preparation, there I was teaching, and yeah, hopefully was doing just that...teaching.  I didn't have a chance to talk with the principal or other administrators on what exactly they thought or what they were scribbling back there in their notes.  Still learning to die to what they think, you see.

This old fleshly nature needs to continually die to self before newfound beauty of my S'vr is realized in me--furthering the truth, jiu de bu qu, xin de bu lai.

Orderliness.

Oh how the J in me longs for order, for everything to fall in their neatly prescribed places--no deviants allowed, only that which strictly complies with Sherise's world order.

Well, Sherise's world order is being overturned at the moment by 60+ seven and eight year olds.  They are far more adorable when you're not the one responsible for them, thus explaining my naivete entering this whole thing. Since being handed the reigns to their English learning just a week ago I've practically spent 80% of the classtime shouting, pleading, bribing kids into order.  I've never encountered such chaos in the classroom in my whole entire life.  I suppose 3+ years of working with mostly compliant adults has something to do with that.  But wait, I did have those delinquent art school students, but at least they wouldn't outwardly rebel in class, well, I take that back..they did...nevertheless, my current reality has given depth to my new favorite word around here, luan, which has the meaning of chaotic, messy. 

What to do when everything unravels before you?  I suppose that's the second law of thermodynamics right there--that everything moves from order to disorder (am I remembering that right?).  Why can't everything stay all nice and pretty?  I hate when it doesn't.  To make matters worse, the principal (not having yet observed my class) suggested to me today that others in the future can observe my class to get an idea of the 'charm' I have over the students.  Um, charm?  I wasn't quite ready to burst his bubble on that one.

I hope to bring order into the classroom (not just to save my own hide, though at the moment, I fear that's what's motivating me).  Admittedly I've brought chaos into their world by confusing their language and not properly maintaining the boundaries that they're familiar with. 

There was once a Perfect Order prescribed for us.  But we have made a mess for ourselves, and so Order was given new means, through a Restorer.

Thank goodness I'm not responsible for the restoration of that one.

Gone.

Shao Lan is gone, taken from me earlier this evening. 

Few of you will know the sentiments of an expat to her bike, especially one that led her through some of her worst moments in a foreign land.  'I don't think I could bear to lose him' were my words some seven months ago.  Since then, he had become even more dear to me.  But now that I've lost him, I realize that this loss can be borne--though not without some sadness. 

I must find a new sidekick out here. 

Green Island.

Cleared my head for a few days on Green Island.  What a blissful retreat.  See below pics.

Haze.
1. smoke, dust, or mist in the air which is difficult to see through
2. the feeling of being very confused and unable to think clearly 

Currently: 68°	Haze	High: 76°
		Low: 63°

We'll just leave it at that.  A bit hazy. 

Permanent Wave.
In life you wish for less ma fan, but sometimes on impulse you do things that seem good for the moment.  That was getting a perm for me last Friday.  I only committed to the perm if AC would do it with me.  I'm kind of chicken like that.  If I'm going to walk out with a crazy motherland perm, so was she.  And so farewell to staunch non-girlygirlness.  I lost the independence of leaving the house without looking in a mirror to comb my hair.  And I have to keep myself from being a frizzball with all the wind out there.  Thankfully these things aren't quite too...permanent...

Play Ball!

Baseball is known as bangqiu around these parts, and until today I didn't realize how much I really do miss baseball.  Or maybe it's just that I'm missing home and when I was asked to go to a baseball game today I jumped at the chance.  I used to be a better baseball fan when I was younger--SF Giants fans, this next fact will show you how long it's been...in the days of what they called the Triple Threat--ha, remember Will Clark, Kevin Mitchell, and Matt Williams?  Would you believe I used to collect baseball cards, too?  

To clarify, I've still been a baseball fan in the years since. Though not to the level that would live up to the true title, fanatic.

As of today I root for the Hometeam Lions who today played the Capital City Tigers.  We won, 7-2.  The game was pretty good, I thought.  After you get used to the 'huai qiu' (ball) and 'hao qiu' (strike) calling of the game.  Lai yi bang!  Jia you!  Picked up some cheering phrases as well. 

Baseball isn't at all popular in these parts.  Games are free.  Only one guy from what I could tell knew how to watch the game.  He was the only other guy yelling. And it says something that we were the most obnoxious fans out in the audience.  Afterwards we looked like a bunch of groupies hovering outside the locker room waiting to meet the players.  You'd think that we were meeting bonafide celebrities--except there wasn't any security around the players and no one else in the sparse audience seemed at all interested. 

Random thought...for all the spitting I see around these parts, I didn't see any of the players spit today. 

Nothing beats catching a game at PacBell Park.  But hey, I'd settle for what I got today :)

Chance. Fate. Destiny. Karma.  All means by which to explain away life--though it seems rather glorious and sublime to rely on life happening as such.  'Only in the movies' as they say...or is it?  Kate Beckingsdale and John Cusack are left to examine Serendipity's reality, though rather than sit waiting for it, take matters into their own hands by manipulating events according to their desired outcome, which, no spoiler here, is romance.

I believe in Fate.  But to leave it as mysterious is something I don't buy into.  How cruel to think that without an Author behind Fate, that we would be subjected to the will of chance?  I rather believe in a good Author, though the world may fault me as the cheesy sap. 

Life isn't the movies.  But then again, sometimes it is.  

[Frozen hot chocolate...now that's good stuff.  I can vouch for this.  Your soulmate appearing in a light dust of snow from out of nowhere?  Hm.  Did I mention the outworkings of Fate aren't always that glamorous?]