I Was in a Bad Mood.

I was in a bad mood until one of my first graders came up to me this morning after the 五一 holiday and taking me off-guard said, 'Miss Lee, I've missed you.'

We all need to feel extra loved sometimes.  Today was one of those days.

Initial Re-Entry.

Been reading a book on re-entry.  Is there really an art to it as the title says?  I'm not so sure.  I think it'll be hard regardless.  Anyhow, the book mentions that re-entry begins now for the expat, several months before returning as more thoughts go into home life than the current life overseas.  That would be me just about now.

One key to coming home the book says is to anticipate the stress.  But being stressed lends itself to being hungry, so I suppose I can start a portion of my reentry by saying what I want to eat when I get home (hint, hint)...the following is in no particular order (and there's sure to be plenty more cravings as this list excludes supermarket items)...

* Red Robin's Bacon Cheeseburger with Steak Fries
* An In-and-Out Burger and Shake
* Prime Rib (at the 'ol House of Lee)
* BBQ Ribs
* Blueberry Cheesecake
* Mondo Cafe's Corned Beef Panini Sandwich
* Chipotle's Steak Burrito with Sour Cream
* An All Meat Topped Pizza
* Pho Noodles
* Crepevine's Crepes (savory and sweet!)
* Salmon Teriyaki
* Specialty's Chocolate Chip Cookies
* Nordstrom Cafe's Clam Chowder
* Taiwanese Dan Dan Mian
* Hawaiian BBQ

 

The Second Time Around.

There's something about the second time around that doesn't quite carry the same impact as the first.  There must be some sort of law about this, or maybe it's just that obvious. 

That doesn't mean, though, that there's no emotion when things come around a second time.  Like getting my blood withdrawn.  I hate getting poked because on most occasions my already small veins quite conveniently go into hiding...麻烦.  But knowing that I've survived previous pokings gives me confidence...though I do remember a certain nurse misjudging once and me ending up with a huge green and yellow bruise.  Hm.  But as least I now know to always ask for a 'butterfly needle,' knowing that I'm a hard one to poke. 

I can think of countless examples of 'second times around,' with the first time behind me and being less of a scaredy cat.  My most recent example is dealing with certain creatures that enter our home.  This time I picked him up between my two fingers (with a plastic bag) and threw him out the window.  One step braver than the first time, and yes, this time the creature had a chance to survive.  No sense in leaving him in our home with mosquito season still a ways off.

Now ready for a third round.

A Position on Suffering.

I'm always reluctant to tell my mother if I'm struggling, figuring if she's worried, I'm stressed that she's worried.  So I try to be unnecessarily strong for her, 让他放心。It usually backfires, though, as somehow or another I always seem to break down in tears.

I don't think my mother likes to see me go through difficult times.  Heck, it's not that I do either.  And it's not necessarily these huge trials that I refer to, but regular choices we make that stand in Opposition to this world.  They cost us something.

I'm not trying to drum up sympathy for myself, but rather call to mind a position on suffering.  I have yet to know the loss of all things, but still there is the suffering that comes from persisting in Good.  This kind of suffering I have come to know.

And to those who also share with Him, you know this too.

Currently Serving.

Banana Pie at McDonalds!  我就喜欢！

A Lot of Hype.

There are those who approach life with a ton of gusto and conviction.  I like these kind of people.  They inspire, if not kick me in the butt sometimes.

But even Passionate folk miss the mark-they engage the world yet never wind up doing anything with Meaning.  My impatience for the lukewarm runs equally for those who are seemingly alive, but show no signs of Life.

Maybe I'm just getting on my high horse here.  I'm not so sure that I wouldn't get carried away under some well intending means only to find out that I've completely lost the Point.  It's happened before in fact.

Something to think about for your current Endeavors.
  

California.

Today on the bus I saw a Mercedes on the road with a license plate from California.  I had to blink to make sure I was seeing correctly.  For a moment the familiar seemed foreign, lost in a sea of weaving vehicles with blue rectangular license plates.  I felt an immediate bond to that car...me and the Benz, both from California. 

Speaking of California, the state itself is like a brand name over here.  There's the Mr. Lee's California Beef Noodle restaurant chain, which some people use as a point of reference when I say I'm from California.  Since when California became famous for beef noodles, I don't know.  But I suppose someone from the Lee clan saw it fit.

Then there's the California Fitness Gym that I saw down south.  I thought about how it would sound if you, say, put another state in front of the word 'fitness.'  I guess 'Texas Fitness' wouldn't quite go.

I'm proud to be a Californian.  I mean, I love my state.  I don't know exactly why people get so proud about where they come from, but I have plenty of reasons why I do.

4 more months until I'm back.

Heart Breaker.

I've been here now for a little over a year and a half.  Hard to believe.  There's so much more I could say about my time here, but for now, I'll continue to record in snippets.

The other day I got a text message, or what locals here call a 'short message' on my cell phone.  I usually ignore whatever comes through on han zi, but I did read this one through:

我们能不能不分手亲爱的别走！

[Can we not break up? Sweetheart, please don't leave!]

After about an hour or so, it was followed up by this:

为什么不回？难道你要我死吗？

[Why haven't you replied? Could it be that you want me to die?] 

Yes, I'm breaking your heart out there, I know . 

Blocked.

They've blocked access to Xanga in our parts now...but I think I found a loophole...

Know Thyself.

There are those conspiracy theorists out there who posit about the world and who's out to get them and then there's the milder version of sociologist (me) who thrives on understanding why people do what they do.

I'm still trying to understand why I do what I do, so the intrigue into human behavior has a personal investment.  Question of the day is how can an off-the-cuff judgement hold as much weight as a long thought-out one? 

The book (see above) by Gladwell gives the example of speed dating.  Never tried it before, but actually doesn't sound half-bad upon description.  Turns out that some speed daters describe totally different people than the ones they end up being attracted to on these experiences.  After the experience, when asked again, the speed daters describe people more closely resembling the person they just met.  And after a month, they revert back to their original criteria.  Interesting.  So what is it that we are really attracted to?  Our conscious ideal might be saying something different than what we actually feel.  But there's validity in both.

It's difficult to get behind the locked door and explain our choices that just 'feel right.'  I'm not just talking dating here.  When someone holds up a design for me, I can pretty easily tell you which one I jive with.  And because I've been trained in art mumbo jumbo I can also tell you why.  For other things, I don't have an easy time at 'why.'  Why I don't like a certain person...I don't know why, just because.

Alright, that's enough thinking for now.