Marathon Log.04.  Miles logged: 6

I have an old ankle injury from my first missions trip five years ago.  Don't want to explain all the details here, but suffice it to say, it ended up being a more serious injury than first realized.  That same ankle has started to be bothersome again--enough to remind me that "oh yeah, I do have that old injury."  It seems to also negatively affect my knee on that same side (well, that's my unmedical assumption anyways).

Why talk about an old injury?  In life there's a continuous battle over things that we may believed to have put behind us.  Take for instance, my persistent struggle against my insecurities.  These insecurities seemed to swell in high school (and since I deal with so many high schoolers, I'm hoping this speaks to you...)

Wanting to be beautiful.  For a good part of my teenage years I could never look in a mirror.  I had glasses, braces, and an awkwardly lanky frame--not exactly Seventeen magazine material.

Wanting to be noticed.  I always managed to fly below the radar in high school--never cool, but never the bottom of the social ladder either--I could never stand out.

Wanting to be smart.  I've told this story often enough--wanting to graduate high school with the unrealistic expectation of a 4.0 GPA.  I ended up with a 3.92, which to me (NOTE: AT THAT TIME) was crushing.

Many of these insecurities have followed me to the person I am today.  I still manage to think my self-worth is tied up in other things.  As a teacher, I'm often desperately insecure in the classroom (I just want to be liked).  As a female, I want the affection of a husband and kids.  And in my spiritual life, I sometimes think I'm unworthy of God's patience and mecy.

As long as I'm on this earth, I'll always battle against my insecurities.  The experience of my God and King won't be perfected until that day that is to come.  Until then I'll hold to the truth that his grace is sufficient. 

[I did run 6 miles on Saturday and it was okay...]

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