Extravagance.

What extravagance have you lavished on the Lord?  For Mary it was a costly bottle of perfume--a complete waste in the eyes of the disciples (Mk 14:1-9).

I wonder what Mary thought as the disciples rebuked her.  Scripture does not say.  Did she suddenly feel self-conscious?  Did she begin to rethink her extravagant act?  I can only speculate.

Sometimes I think back on what would have happened if following my layoff exactly 4 years ago I hadn't pursued God's call to grad school, and thus committing what to me was an act of extravagance.  To understand, at the time of my layoff was a season when God was doing something in our generation by loosening many of us from our jobs (must have known like thirty other friends and friends of friends who also got laid off during that time).  Thus in a way I was forced to choose extravagance or despair, remembering that what it took for me to even get my first job was already extremely difficult.

The shock of my boss pulling me in at the end of the day and telling me that I would no longer be employed at the company still feels somewhat raw.  I remember my boss handing me a pack of tissue from British Airways that had "boohoo" printed on the wrapping.  Hello, can we get any more insensitive?  Here I was this fragile 22 year old, for cyring out loud...

I must preface those tears because literally a week before my layoff I had asked people to start praying for me to pursue a growing call on my life in the area of missions.  The plan was to stick with my job another year to save enough money to go get my degree to teach overseas.  Funny thing happens when you tell the Lord that you're willing to consider His will for your life...He brings you to point where you need to make good on your promise--what will you choose?

I'm going to be real and say extravagance costed me. A flood of insecurities followed my decision.  What in the world was I doing?  Was I a complete fool? 

HE IS NO FOOL TO GIVE UP WHAT HE CANNOT KEEP TO GAIN WHAT HE CANNOT LOSE. -Jim Elliot

[p.s. I still don't completely get it.  That's why there's grace =)]