As the Digit Turns.

Please pardon this entry as it may seem a hodgepodge of thoughts--attribute it to turning another year older, and inching towards a form of geriatric scatteredness :) 

I had a surprise birthday the other day, planned by my ever-thoughtful roomie, AC.  It's been awhile since I've had a surprise birthday party--in recent years I'm the one to dictate how my birthday is celebrated.  Last year I cooked and invited people over, telling my parents--'I'll cook everything, I like doing things by myself.'  Score one for the control freak in me.  I ended up needing help (surprise, surprise).  Stubborness comes stronger with age, and it's no wonder that we often remark that being older means being more set in your ways.  It comes at a time when being overseas, your adopted mantra almost has to be "flexibility."  Without this, you'll go insane (which I almost have in many instances here).

I'm still trying to figure out who I am over here, too.  During my surprise party, I was cajoled, but something more like forced to sing a solo.  It's a birthday tradition, said AC.  But not my birthday tradition--see why I like planning my own birthdays?  Anyhow, I ended up singing no less than 3 songs myself, my voice awkwardly cracking at a few points, and trying to avoid all the eyes of the locals staring at me.  What was that mantra?  Oh right, flexibility.  Let's add another one to that--humility. 

I think I'm becoming somewhat impatient and less caring, too.  The other day I was asked to do a favor for someone, which ended up in much ma fan-ness, and me chewing out someone over the phone (in my stuttering Ch.). I felt terrible afterwards, having modeled a crummy attitude.  Is this what turning another year older means--that I'm all the more clearly aware of how much I suck?  Or is it to say that my G is all the more amazing to love a wretch like me?

I believe it's more the latter, but I'm still grasping to understand what this really means.