8.30.09

It's completely normal for me to have a million things running through my head at a given moment. One of the million today is who it is that I declare first in my life, and if that First is truly primary, how do I respond? I should be more loving, kind, gentle - and certainly, the humility I spoke of a couple of entries ago should be in great supply. I should always give thanks, never bitter or envious. I should have outright faith, without doubt. I should be free of worry, insecurity, and fear.

But I'm so not those things sometimes. Even in the last week, I saw myself acting contrary to how I know I ought. What gets me is where this realization eventually takes me - that I am forever indebted to that First, who is my greatest help and makes me more of those things I should be. As I lament my own imperfection, I become more of what I sought - because of him who has saved me from myself.