Today I went to the Lowell High School graduation.  I seriously have not returned to a Lowell graduation since I graduated some 8 years ago.

First, I have to laugh at how I even got into the graduation.  I didn't have a ticket, and I went hoping that they would be lenient on checking for tickets.  No such luck.  Much to my dismay, each door was meticulously manned, and not only that, each person at the door was collecting the tickets in bags.  It didn't look good.  I thought about sneaking in, and then nixed the idea, opting instead to pray that God would help get me in somehow.

So I stood outside the auditorium obeserving each of the ticket collectors--I picked the one that looked most sypathetic.  A blond high school kid in a ROTC uniform was my first hope.  I sauntered up to the door and asked, "Is it possible for me to get in without a ticket?"  To which he replied, "Do you have a good reason?"  To which I then replied, "I have a few of my highschoolers graduating."  Which, when I thought more about it, makes no sense.  #1, I don't look old enough to have children of my own in high school, and #2, if I was a teacher, I wouldn't need to sneak in.

To my relief, the boy waved me in.  I almost chuckled at how easy it was to get in on such a lame excuse. 

As I reminisced through the ceremony, my heart lifted in the realization that the many things which were so important to me in high school are no longer things in which I pursue.  Case in point: I desperately wanted to be among those who got to go on stage for obtaining a 4.0 GPA.  But I graduated with a 3.92 (so close, but yet sooooo far).  What's even funnier is that today I recognized one  teacher who made that dream of scholastic excellence (or intelluctual absurdity) a mere dream.  Ms. Morehen, my Advanced Algebra 2 teacher who gave me a "C" even though I was a tenth of a percent away from a "B."  No hard feelings, Ms. Morehen.

As I stared out into the sea of red representing the graduating class, I realized that these kids have seen nothing yet, giving truth to the cliche that the best is yet to come.  So much of life awaits them, as it awaited me (and still does).  But the worst also awaits them.  Without the grace of my God, I would not have been able to weather and grow through many a season of hardship.  It is our part in sharing in the sufferings of Christ.

To the graduating class of 2004, my prayers are with you.

I think I know why I'm resistant to this whole xanga thing.  In my heart of hearts, I think of myself as a nonconformist.  Is xanga just a fad, with me jumping on the bandwagon (albeit late)?

Yet I see truth to living my life out in front of others.  Even in this widely trendy means of a xanga.  In doing so, may the wondrous grace of my Lord and Savior be all the more evident.  As humans, we often hide behind a nice veneer.  I am guilty of this.  Lurking within ourselves is our fallen nature.  I know I carry a huge amount of pride, and the Lord is in the business of chipping away at it.

Take for instance my decision today to show my high school Sunday School class my 5th grade yearbook in which I had scribbled over people's pictures my one word opinion of them.  Needless to say, I am ashamed of my former rashness in judgement.  My reason for showing my yearbook falls in line with my philosophy in youth ministry--to live my life authentically in front of my kids so that I may boast all the more of Christ in my life.  This is not to say I don't still judge people today, but God has taught me what it means to love others.  And He continues to teach me.

I am a broken person.  And it takes a lot for a perfectionist such as myself to admit.  But I am dearly loved.  I can't quite get that, but who can ever explain the mysteries of our God?

Lookie here...I've updated my xanga from its most embarrassing beginnings practically nine months ago.

Will I get swept into the world of xanga? You have to stay tuned to find out!

my post-graduate school life has proved interesting, to say the least.  and this is without being officially employed by anyone ....

after six weeks of nonstop fun with junior high and high school kiddos at scbc daycamp, i've found lots to do, but there are occasional days of boredom and cabin fever.  but most days are on the entertaining end.

take for instance my new resolve to clean house (literally).  this has been an insane experience of uncovering hoarded amounts of junk (not mine i'm glad to say at the same time it's prompted spontaneous games of hey-let's-go-find-hidden-treasure with my fellow unemployed sis (who now finds herself employed...boo for me).

or a trip to the dmv with my mom ...who may i say takes the cake as the queen of unintended funny.  upon checking in at the counter i found her gaze settling on the eye chart that hovered behind the counter.  embarrassed, i motioned for her to get back in line.  she returned, only to ask the paranoid question of "is that english?" (referring to the eye chart).  i had to hold it in, not sure if she was serious or not, but assuredly replying that yes, those were indeed letters of the alphabet and not korean letters.  in a frantic voice she insisted that i help her.   i knew she was desparate.  like i was going to help her memorize those random sequence of letters?  i informed that this was cheating and that she was on her own.  so she resorted to studying on her own...reminiscent of me cramming for a final exam, only this was my mom.  we waited until our number was called (which oddly enough, if you have taken a trip to the dmv as of late, is oddly similiar to taking a number at the meat counter). 

we arrived at the counter and i stood practically motionless as my mom replied in answer to the opening question "so has anything else changed [on your license]?"  to which my my replied, "well, my weight..."  the dmv woman supressed a giggle.  i had jokingly informed her earlier after eyeing her renewal application that her weight was incorrect (i didn't think she would actually do anything about it).  such honesty.  then came the eye test.  fearful of what would come out of my mother's mouth, i braced for the worst.  my mom bought some time as she adjusted her glasses and informed "well now wait a minute here...there's a glare." to which i was going to practically bust out laughing.  she proceeded the read the letters, correctly--to my relief and amazement.  however, on the third run when she had to cover her right eye, she missed 3 of the letters.  the woman informed that an eye test should be done, to which my mom muttered something of a yes and i, about to lose it, left the counter.  and my mom wondered what was so funny. sigh.   

those are just a couple of stories from my unemployed life. interesting, to say the least.