I told my grandmother over dinner tonight that seeing her happy makes me happy. With a bit of astonishment she let out a good Chinese wah and started grinning. I knew I had got her. "That type of sentiment has to come from your heart!" was my mom's response. I did mean every bit of it, though. I didn't realize how much losing the person you've been with for nearly 70 years could affect someone. It means everything to me that my grandmother be comforted in her grief.

What I think is beautiful is that I can now see how much my grandmother loved my grandfather (and from my post a couple of days ago, you would know how significant a statement this is). Love truly bears all things. You have to respect a woman who not only endured but was faithful. A valuable lesson learned from g-ma.

Today I entered my day thinking that I was going to be eating a brown bag lunch at our meet and greet with the Department Directors and President. Instead I was pleasantly surprised that we ended up at the historic Sir Francis Drake Hotel across the street from Union Square. Upon entering it felt a little bit like a bad scene right out of a high school cafeteria. Luckily, seats were assigned, but that also meant that I had to go into full-on schmoozing mode (so not my forte). Within minutes the director I sat next to pointed out that my name badge was upside down. Here I was trying my best to fit in. How embarrassing.

I realize that when I start caring too much about fitting in I totally get consumed. Today I started by desperately trying to imitate whatever script the others seem to be following (this after my name badge fiasco). Yet today was an accomplishment of sorts because I decided that I would be as much of myself as I could. There is one sure way that I know this happens - my corny humor (and true inner dorkiness) emerges.

When I got home today my sister was watching the television when of all people Jamie Williams shows up as the guest on a local sports show. I had just seen him at lunch earlier. "Go Urban Knights!" was his closing line. Yes, go Urban Knights - Jamie can brag that we are the only art school in the NCAA.

My grandfather recently passed away. I had to find out when overseas this summer, prompting a semi-frantic search to secure a flight home. It's never a good thing to be away from family when stuff like this happens.

I honestly don't know how to feel about my grandfather sometimes. He was a hard man, and by hard I mean he was always tough, and easy to dole out criticism. One of my earliest memories of him was when he tried in vain to show me how to use chopsticks correctly. Of course I still use them incorrectly, just as I still hold my pen wrong (after being repeatedly corrected by my elementary school teachers).

For as angry and short tempered as a man that my grandfather was, there is only one thing that finally defined him. Though he worked hard all his life to be successful, in the end he knew he could do nothing to save himself. He needed God, and more so, a Savior.

This gets me. That for all the wrong that he committed in his life, he is still absolutely forgiven. And this, finally, was all that mattered.

I know why I sometimes procrastinate on things. Tasks that I dislike tend to get pushed to the back burner. And today that reason is I hate working with numbers. I'm trying to add the final expenses for my recent China trip, and my numbers just won't add up. It's killing me.

The above was written in the heat of frustration, and I have since made the numbers match, but not without much agony.

I'm learning that on the things in which I can only claim marginal competence, learn to delegate.

I have a cousin who will be a high school senior this year. I like that he doesn't think he's too cool for me. I even secretly think that he looks up to me. At least that's what I like to think, me being his oldest cousin and all.

He was up here visiting over the past few days to check out Bay Area schools - Stanford University seems to be top at this point. It's no surprise, since he's super smart and wouldn't take offense to me calling him a nerd. To cap off his visit I decided today to give him one more college tour, which for some reason didn't make his list. The Academy, I told him, boasts a 100% acceptance rate. He smiled because yesterday we joked about Stanford's 7%.

He told me this is the biggest decision of his life to this point. I told him that college will be a good experience, but I didn't quite burst his bubble that it will be plenty tough, too. He also told me that him and his girlfriend would like to maybe attend the same college to stay together. Didn't burst his bubble on that one, either. No one really burst my bubbles if I think about it. At the point they do burst (and they will), reality seems all too crushing. What is revealed is the landing underneath (the stuff that faith is made of), but only if first your own bubbles are burst.

Last week I saw the movie "Julie and Julia" and walked away reinspired about blogging. I'm sure half the audience decided the same. My application is to blog for 50 days straight. About what, you ask? No particular theme, other than the qualification that it will fit the title of this blog, "Life as He Reveals." I hope not to bore my 2 readers to death.

Life as He Reveals has me mulling today on one particular aspect of friendships - saying goodbyes. Today I said goodbye to one of my dear friends, her husband, and two boys. I see them maybe once a year since they've committed themselves to living in the Middle Kingdom. Ask any expat and he or she will tell you that saying goodbyes is a regular thing. It was almost too regular of a thing for me today as in the span of an hour I said both my hellos and goodbyes to a friend who once called me her maid of honor.

I remember a moment when I was living overseas and my sister and good friend left in a taxi to go back to the airport and fly home to the States. I was left standing at the curb teary-eyed with the poor bell hop from the adjacent hotel looking on. I mustered all my strength and proceeded down the stairs to the subway - alone.

Though I'm home now, I don't think there will ever be a time when I get to have all my favorite people around me. Instead I have this patchwork of friendships that now literally span the globe. I miss having them always with me, but it makes our times together that more sweet.

It was an English Lit teacher that first taught me the definition of a paradox. Since then I've discovered life to be full of paradoxes, particularly in matters of Significance. Like how is it that when we are weak we are also strong? And that we can rejoice even in loss?

The newest one to hit me over the head today is that in freedom, we serve others. That when we give our lives, we are the most free? I don't get that, yet somehow I do.

By definition a paradox is "a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement that when explained or investigated may prove to be well-founded or true."

I'm in the process of getting over its absurdity and seeing the beauty of this truth.

I learned yesterday that I'm rather helpless when I don't know how long I have to wait for the next bus or train. I'm the one squinting to see the updates on the electronic board even though I've already glanced at it the minute before. If there's no board or announcement I find myself lost, not knowing how long I have to wait. Knowing how long I have to wait gives me a definite end (though it can be tricky when the time given isn't accurate).

I think I need to know how long I have to wait so that I can brace myself for how long I'm supposed to endure. I often don't have a clear end to any particular wait, as all I'm instructed to do is simply that - wait. And what's more, I'm asked to wait patiently. Waiting, as I'm learning, implies faith. It's faith that must be undertaken if there's truly something of Value behind that wait - something better than a ride on Joe MUNI.

I'm linking my blog to my sister's. Click here to read about her adventures in NYC!

I'm super proud of her. I hope that she updates more. She texted me today saying that she is "surviving." I think she's on a pretty grueling schedule.

Back in Feb when we were in NYC together, we made a pact. I can't go into all the details (reserved for the sisterhood), but one of them was to spend our individual summers separately doing kingdom stuff. The emphasis was on the separate because if I had it my way, she'd be headed to China with me in a month.

Without any weddings to attend this month, what's a girl to do on the weekend? Plenty, especially when it's a beautiful out in SF. I went to the beach and had fro-yo TWICE in one day. But I felt a little badly today when a friend told me that SF just hasn't grown on her. She suggested that perhaps it's because she doesn't have a good community here. I think that makes a difference.

Another friend is leaving SF and moving to the east coast. Primarily it's because of a boy, and for her to leave SF that certainly is huge (she grew up here and loves it, too).

My own sister left SF this weekend for NY for 3 whole weeks. I'm blogging with faint hope that she'll be reading and perhaps be missing me. Awww :)