There is this temptation to take matters into our own hands when things are ambiguous rather than trust in God. The Israelites were prime example of this, saving leftover manna rather than trust in their daily provision in one instance (Exodus 16:19-20). And then making a golden calf an object of worship when Moses delayed coming off of Mount Sinai (Exodus 32).  I am one of those people who leaps to action to get something done. I can't stand when things are murky and there's something within my reach to (seemingly) move things forward. It's a pride issue (believing I can manufacture something to happen), but it's ultimately fear that is beneath this. I'm fearful there will be no provision. 

When stripped of all my faculties to do something on my own, there's a vulnerability that exposes that, I am after all, needy. And while that would ordinarily send me into hiding, the reminder that the God of this universe cares for even me (Psalm 8:4-5) - the once wretched, still sinful me - I feel safe, now able to more bravely face what I cannot yet see. 

I got a lot of things done last year. I feel good about that. They say being successful requires a fanatical type of discipline. I have this discipline in spurts, but in subsequent moments am mired in complacency. It's like I'm driving along at high speed only to put on the brakes completely. I've had to deal with this complacency at various moments, including getting into this new year. What's behind this complacency? I can think of a few things:

1. Fear. I'm very much swayed by what I see (or don't see) in front of me. I think of Peter, who when asked to get out of the boat and walk towards Jesus in the midst of the storm, was swayed more by the storm than his Savior (Matthew 14:22-33).

2. Overanalyzing. I can't help but always be analyzing something. When something doesn't make sense I'll balk and question its validity. Nicodemus was very much in this mindset, and was perhaps overanalyzing in his exchange with Jesus on being born again (John 3:1-22). In overanalyzing I forget to allow for faith.

3. Mistrust. I suppose this could be defined as a lack of faith, but really it's a misplaced trust in self over God. Thus it becomes mistrust because if I ask myself if I really trust God - like the kind it says in Proverbs 3:5 with all my heart - I'm not sure I can honestly say that I do. Mistrust makes me unwilling to move forward and allow seeds of doubt.

Now that I've broken down this complacency, it's time to deal with it...