Journey to Middle Earth.

It all started at 5:50 am last Saturday morning when I woke up with a start.  Oh my gosh!  I'm supposed to leave for LA in 10 minutes!  Why didn't I hear my alarm? I hardly ever oversleep.  I hurriedly got out of bed, brushed my teeth and threw the rest of my things into my bag. 

This weekend I went on a roadtrip to LA with some of my dearest friends in the world--Denise, Wilma, Steph, and Lucinda (Janet, we missed you!).  These are all gals who have known me through my awkward stages (but who's to say the awkwardness hasn't disappeared?).  I love hanging out with people that I share real history with--people with whom I can be my true whacked-out self.  My 'longest' friend of the bunch is Denise, who's known me for 22 years and running.  Wilma's known me for 21 years, Lucinda for something like 17 years and Steph for 13 years. 

You can't hide with friends who've known you for a long time.  They know your quirks, as well as the bad and ugly.  Yet there's something downright healing hanging with people who have stuck with you despite all of that.   They remember things about you that you forgot, too--though we were all resigned to admit that the 'ol memory banks aren't what they used to be :)

We went down to celebrate our good friend Charissa's graduation from UCI Med School. I can hardly believe that she's fully medical degreed, with all the rights and privileges of initials preceding her name!  I couldn't be happier for this sister.  I've always admired her love for the Lord and I just know that God's going to use her incredibly for His glory as an M.D.

When I was younger I always wanted to fast forward time.  I remember being a first grader and wishing that I was in third grade so that I could sit on the shady side during lunch.  The grass isn't always greener the older you get, but I can tell ya--the view gets even better.

Denise and I as we trekked through Middle Earth...we've come a long way from the Shire...

The gang: Steph, Wilma, Dr. Charissa, ME, Denise, Lucinda

Eleven and a Half Weeks.

"...but obedience without struggle reveals little of your true submission to Christ." (Walter Henrichsen)

This is me, guys.  Ask me how I'm doing in the area of preparing myself for my trip, and my honest answer is, "I struggle."  It's not like I was planning for things to cave in on me all at once, but recently I've been through an onslaught of emotions.  What's wrong with me?

I am reassured that this struggle normal, and I'm putting up the bravest fight I can.  Not too brave, though--because I fully admit my weaknesses, and I'm keenly aware of my sin and shortcomings.

I am complete in Christ Jesus.

As God has revealed in recent days, this is how I've responded:

Apologized.  Bitterness can ruin you!  Even when time, and supposed healing has passed.  This week I apologized to someone for going off on a rant about another person.  Ugliness, blech.

Tossed into the sea.  Something I've been needing to let go for a long, long time.

Purchased.  A one-way ticket to the motherland!  It's becoming more real.  I leave August 24!

Accepted.  The fact that my cholesterol level is still at 204.  I know, I know--my mom's already on me for that one.  I need to watch my diet.  And I need to start running again more regularly.  SF Half-Marathon anyone?  Or perhaps the Reek Run in Gilroy?

Preached.  I took a co-worker to dim sum this week.  I'm her first Chinese friend!  I love it!  Got to take two non-Chinese people to dim sum in less than a two week span.  Not only did I get to take her out to Chinatown, but we got down to the nitty gritty of my faith in Christ.  I love it!

I'd Like to Thank the Academy.

I'd like to thank the Academy for my rockin' Passion '05 CD.  My one-year tenure mark earned me a Virgin Records $25 giftcard back in January and I only got around to redeeming it today.  I know the frappuccino thing FOR SURE was a God thing (laugh as you may), but can we make this CD one, too?  Seriously, I was disappointed after I trekked up two floors to the "Gospel" section and didn't see it.  My heart had even settled on another CD.   UNTIL I just randomly glanced down, and there it was!  Haha--God, you know the desires of my heart all too well.  That's truth I can hang on to.

My time at the Academy of Art University is coming to an end.  My last official day is June 30.  What a remarkable chapter in my life this has been!  Check out my life as an Academic Coach by clicking here. 

Manna.

So for the past month I've been on this fast from coffee and milk tea.  I realize how much of me craves these more than my actual dependence on God.  Refraining from these has been no easy task--dude, you wouldn't imagine the number of opportunities that I passed up to caffeinate myself!

My fast ended yesterday and I realized, I'm totally free to live it up and partake!  But this morning when I went into the kitchen, I still opted for hot water instead of reaching for the packet of milk tea.  Then during lunch I thought about getting a tapioca milk tea--my favorite!  But I somehow managed to nix the idea. 

So it's now the end of my work day and I've turned down two opportunities to indulge.  I'm walking past Starbucks as an employee walks out the door with frappuccinos on a tray.  Not just those little sample cups, but the actual tall size cups.  Then she says "Wanna drink?  It's free." WHAT THE MONKEY? (I thought to myself)  There was no hesitation there.  YEAH! HOOK ME UP!

Who knew frappuchinos were a God-thing.  Jehovah Jireh, all the way!    

I Heart LB.

LB is one of them gals that totally kicks me in the butt (and I mean this in a good way).  I met a bunch of cool people overseas last summer, and she'd be one of them.  She came west coast for the first time to visit this weekend, and we were all too giddy to smother her with some good 'ol SF city culture.

LB's a good sport.  We started her off gagging on some 'thousand year old egg' for dim sum.  And we managed to get her to try some grass jelly and almond jello (I know, for Chinese people, big whoop...but she's white =)  She didn't take too kindly to noodles or seafood, however (even though she's proven to eat sheep lung for the sake of the gospel).  I still think she's cool, though...and I feel entirely blessed by her visit.

She's partly to blame for which I can kinda be a snob sometimes (see my entry below).

L to R (bottom) Winnie, Sherilyn, ME, (top) Wilma, Michelle, LB, Kit

Snobbery.

I just realized that I can be somewhat of a snob.  I tend to gravitate towards those who love God with a reckless passion, and I have a real impatience for those who are, well,...less passionate.

There's a huge danger in this.  Namely, that I become an elitist and look down on others.  Missions-minded people can get this way sometimes, and I fully admit that I am one of them.  That's where the whole label of 'intense' comes from.    

I hate that label, but I guess that I perpetuate it with my plans to spend two years overseas.  I get annoyed by this sometimes because I think, "C'mon people, if you know the depths to which God loves you, what difference is it making in your life?"  I'm not saying that everyone needs to go overseas, but I am saying this: Consider what it will take in your life for God to receive the greatest glory in all the nations.  I pray that it causes you to consider doing something reckless for the Lord.  

Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox now.  And rarely am I so direct to challenge.  I don't pretend to be all righteous and knowing, because I know that God is dealing with me in the matter of trusting Him.  Sometimes He deals with me quite severely, and I am stripped of all hope but Him.  But I am far from the Apostle Paul who himself declared that for Christ's sake he suffered the loss of all things.  Loss of all things?  For me, hardly.

Intuition Strikes.

I like to pride myself in my intuition.  Hey, we all get to toot our horn every once in awhile :)  Call it a gut feeling, a sixth sense, a hunch for things or whatever.  [A couple of caveats: I tend to overlook reality.  And I'm not really intuitive when it comes to my own life...]. 

This past weekend I attended Heather and Newt's wedding.  It was one of those weddings where everyone really rallies around both the bride and groom.  Heather was weeping even before she came down the aisle--it was such a poignant moment--even I started to tear up!  (Okay, that might not surprise you...) No matter how many weddings I go to, I don't think I will ever be jaded by witnessing a bride await her groom.

Okay, back to the intution thing...I've known Heather and Newt for years, ever since elementary school.  The three of us went to school together until 5th grade, when Heather moved away.  We were all in different social 'tiers'--Heather being the popular one, I being not so cool but not uncool, and Newt being, um, well perhaps a level lower.  Fast forward to college...when we found each other at the same school again.  I remember seeing Heather on campus during our junior year (she had just transferred from a community college) and inviting her to come to AACF.  Lo and behold she came, and I reintroduced her and Newt.  I just knew that they would get together at that point.  I don't know why, but I just did.  And the rest is, well, as they say, history.

I love having a part in history.  I love it when I see things coming.  My college roommate, Steph, and I always joked about my intuition.

Sometimes, though, I get hit like a MAC truck with things, and that's when God reminds me, hey, it's me who's writing history, not you.

Thankfully, the history He's writing has a resplendent ending.  So I think I'll choose faith over this 'ol intuition of mine.

Extravagance.

What extravagance have you lavished on the Lord?  For Mary it was a costly bottle of perfume--a complete waste in the eyes of the disciples (Mk 14:1-9).

I wonder what Mary thought as the disciples rebuked her.  Scripture does not say.  Did she suddenly feel self-conscious?  Did she begin to rethink her extravagant act?  I can only speculate.

Sometimes I think back on what would have happened if following my layoff exactly 4 years ago I hadn't pursued God's call to grad school, and thus committing what to me was an act of extravagance.  To understand, at the time of my layoff was a season when God was doing something in our generation by loosening many of us from our jobs (must have known like thirty other friends and friends of friends who also got laid off during that time).  Thus in a way I was forced to choose extravagance or despair, remembering that what it took for me to even get my first job was already extremely difficult.

The shock of my boss pulling me in at the end of the day and telling me that I would no longer be employed at the company still feels somewhat raw.  I remember my boss handing me a pack of tissue from British Airways that had "boohoo" printed on the wrapping.  Hello, can we get any more insensitive?  Here I was this fragile 22 year old, for cyring out loud...

I must preface those tears because literally a week before my layoff I had asked people to start praying for me to pursue a growing call on my life in the area of missions.  The plan was to stick with my job another year to save enough money to go get my degree to teach overseas.  Funny thing happens when you tell the Lord that you're willing to consider His will for your life...He brings you to point where you need to make good on your promise--what will you choose?

I'm going to be real and say extravagance costed me. A flood of insecurities followed my decision.  What in the world was I doing?  Was I a complete fool? 

HE IS NO FOOL TO GIVE UP WHAT HE CANNOT KEEP TO GAIN WHAT HE CANNOT LOSE. -Jim Elliot

[p.s. I still don't completely get it.  That's why there's grace =)]

PHO-tastic.

Last night was a *pho-tastic* evening, if I do say so myself.  Courtesy of Mary Ann, who had the vision to bring a group of us together (amen to that vision!) I walked away encouraged and more so, blessed.

I rode down with one of my favorite people in the world, Wilma.  I love her to death, but if you've never experienced a Wilma car ride, fasten your seatbelts, you're in for a ride.  As we drove through the streets of San Mateo looking for the home of Bernie and Colleen, I commented that we were "deep in the 'burbs."  Obviously we city gals don't get out much.  Anyhow, we were driving for a while when all too appropriately a bird decided to do its thing...right on Wilma's windshield!  She then had the brilliance to turn on her windshield wipers, which, you guessed it, smeared the whole thing, which, uh, left a nice frosted look.  Meanwhile I spotted the street we needed to turn off on, and about twenty yards past it we came to a screeching halt and turned back.  <insert laughter here>

We were late arriving, but we spotted Wendy also parking.  Okay, so we we weren't the last.  Already inside was our host, Mary Ann and also Kalam and Alvin.  Julie (who, encouragingly, is in the similar boat of going overseas) came in later, followed by the actual homeowners, Bernie and Colleen.  Here's some of what I took away last night:

Where 2 or more INFJ's are gathered...you can't go wrong :)

There is an unspoken pho protocol.  Do your best to obey the host's lead.

You can eat pho with a fork.  Lefthanded, nonetheless...

There are creative ways to have someone pray for a meal. 

"You're going on my xanga!" 

A baby provides endless means of entertainment for grownups.

I don't get the whole raw celery kept in a ziploc bag of water deal.

Chocolate chip cookies, and anything dessert related, however, are more appealing... 

Mmms...and nonverbal affirmations are highly encouraging.

God's doing something in our generation...he is no fool to give up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.

It's okay to pray for God to work beyond the biological clock...haha...

We all need to be reminded that God is BIG.  And GREAT.  And it's not only the small group of us who get it, yeah?

Reality Bites.

Okay I admit it.  I'm addicted to reality shows, namely The Bachelor and The Amazing Race.  I'm like totally a sucker.  In one sense these shows are really lame...but still...I'm addicted.

The ironic thing is that all reality shows are actually far from reality.  I mean, take The Bachelor...who's really going to pick from a lot of twenty-five woman the person they're going to spend the rest of their life with?  And it's not even like these relationships really last, either--the tabloids are all over these breakups. 

Yet I hope right along with those hopeful to fall in love, and watch as one by one, that hope is deferred as the bachelor decides not to extend a rose.  But for the one who does receive the final rose, it's the fairytale of a lifetime.

Sometimes I like to live in another person's reality because the reality of my own life is quite dull.  And I'm not just talking love life here, but life in general...there's something as humans that we perpetually covet when we look at someone else's life.  We are never fully satisfied.   

But yet we should be.  Listen to the words of the psalmist-"My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods."

Reality is, God's love is better than life.  Ps. 63

Ain't that the truth?